Remember that you do not have to justify why you feel a certain way or tolerate a conversation that impacts your emotional or mental health. As long as the conversation remains respectful, you can explain your perspective and hear where they’re coming from. With an alternative in mind, sit down with your dad or parents well ahead of your wedding ceremony. Make sure you loop your partner in on these conversations so you can get their support. If it doesn’t sit right with you, figure out what you want to do (check out our alternatives below!) and what you feel comfortable with. However, in our opinion, that’s not a good enough reason to incorporate a tradition you don’t believe in that removes your agency and personhood.īefore you try and talk your dad out of giving you away, take some time to reflect on this tradition. This is something we hear from a lot of couples, so know you’re not alone in having a parent who feels strongly about this tradition. Below we’re sharing lots of alternatives to giving away the bride that honour your beliefs and still show your parents how much you love them! “But my dad has always dreamed of giving away his little girl! What should I tell him?” You don’t have to incorporate the “giving away of the bride” tradition in order to honour your parents and your relationship with them. You can absolutely still have a special moment with your dad, or any parent or loved one, at your wedding. Perhaps the biggest red flag with this tradition is the concept of “giving away.” By referring to one member of the couple as a piece of property to be transferred from one man’s ownership to another, we not only remove their humanity by treating them like an object but we also remove their agency by not giving them any say in the decision.īy Erica Miller Photography “But I still want to have a special moment with my dad at my wedding!” It also completely ignores a bride’s mother or other important loved ones in her life. This tradition also assumes a bride will be given away by her father, but a bride’s father may not be involved in the wedding or the best person to take on this role. This is an extremely heteronormative tradition and is obviously exclusionary for couples who don’t have a bride or who have more than one bride. We’re pretty sure the answer to this one is obvious, but just in case it isn’t we’d love to dive into why “giving away the bride” is not an inclusive term or practice. Of course, in many modern marriages, dowries are obsolete and women are no longer considered property (phew!).īy Erica Miller Photography Why “giving away the bride” isn’t inclusive This tradition stems from an age when unmarried women were considered the property of their fathers and given away as a transfer of property, often in exchange for a dowry. But the concept of fathers arranging matches for their daughters and “giving them away” in marriage goes back much further. The tradition of the bride’s father giving away the bride officially dates back to 1549 in a book written by the Church of England. Where does giving away the bride come from? But if you’re curious about some easy changes you can make to modernize this tradition, keep reading! Even if you decide to stick with the traditional giving away, you’ll at least have considered all of your options. PS: Still plan to have the bride’s father give her away? Go for it! If that’s a tradition you want to uphold, we support you in designing a ceremony that works for you. Below we’re sharing nine alternatives to giving away the bride, as well as a brief history lesson and the exact script you can use to get your parents on board. You can still include your parents or other loved ones in your wedding ceremony while tweaking this dated tradition. Luckily, those days are gone! Modern couples have so many more processional options and alternatives to giving away the bride. Back in the day, weddings only happened between a bride and a groom, and the only way for the bride to marry the groom was to be given away by her father.
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